Writing Exercises!

[Celadon's Penultimate]

 It's fine.

I think I may have some editing to do anyhow.

[Zaleramancer]

It reminds me of a much darker story with a teddy bear.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

 Yeah, I actually read back over it, and noticed that the entire first part is unnecessary. The story should have began after that first page. Which is why I'm so happy I finished yesterday(ish) and not today.

Say, Zale, how late do you think you'll be on the forum tonight? I think I may go for, like, two more edits, and I really wanna know what you and (hopefully) GV think.

[Zaleramancer]

I shall be awake until about nine or ten, polishing my essay and contemplating my speech.

Also, I discovered my Library has ebooks and I'm so checking that out.

Would you like to look at my essay?

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Sure, I'll look at it.

[Zaleramancer]

Camelot.docx

It's Directional Analysis..

[Celadon's Penultimate]

When is it due?

[Zaleramancer]

Wednesday,

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Kay, well, my story is due tomorrow.

Need to decide the final factor to help make this story really a horror.

[Zaleramancer]

The part where the thing is implied to affect him is confusing.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

 How so?

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Okay, latest version. Hopefully, this is an improvement. If not, then...well, yeah, let's just stick with hoping this one is better.

Horror_Story_Work_(The_Perfect_Gift).doc

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Zaleramancer wrote

Camelot is a television mini-series reinterpretation of traditional Arthurian myths and legends. The story revolves around the conflict between two half-siblings, Arthur and Morgan Pendragon, for the throne of Camelot.  While both are the children of the king, Arthur’s birth remained a secret until King Arthur’s death at the hands of Morgan’s poisonous act of regicide.  Morgan spent several years in a convent in an attempt by her father to get rid of her; there she learned the secrets of magic from Mother Sybil, a nun who lived there. With these magical abilities, Morgan was poised to take control of Camelot. Though, in order to actualize her goal of becoming queen, Morgan would have to become more careful and patient, and learn to exploit her magical abilities more wisely. Not to mention, she would have to kill her only foe with magical skill, the famous Merlin.

 There, that's the first paragraph. Now, I'll see what I can do with the others.

(BTW, Zale, I'd really appreciate an estimate of how late you intend to be on tonight; I think I can handle editing my story on my own tonight, but my edits won't do much good if you're not on, and I may--no, will--get distracted by the election)

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Zaleramancer wrote

When taking steps to eject a king from his throne, a great degree of patience and caution is anticipated. Kings do tend to look poorly upon such things, so careful and methodically laid out plans that more slowly come to fruition are safer. Morgan’s first mistake in the series is moving to poison her father with a fast-acting poison so soon after her arrival. It casts a shadow of suspicion on her, the sole apparent heir, when her father dies the day after she returns from exile. A smarter move would have been slow systematic poisoning, which could easily be disguised as an illness or infirmity (thus drawing suspicion away from the possibility of poison).  More reckless still, Morgan takes on airs of being the queen immediately following the king’s demise. In fact, she invites the staunchest enemy of her father before his corpse is even buried.

The best I could do for this paragraph. May try again later.

[Zaleramancer]

I'm going to try to go to sleep early, but it'll probably be 12 or so before I can.

I need to finish this and write a speech..

I also plan on writing out my part in the play in an attempt to get into my character's head.

I forgot one of my lines.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Working on paragraph 3, if you don't mind extending your waking time from midnight to 1am...

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Zaleramancer wrote

As a sorceress trained in witchcraft and magic, Morgan holds many talents to her name.  Among other things, she can conjure spirits of the dead to gather information, and change her appearance to look exactly like other people; she also has a great deal of knowledge of herbs and plants. With these talents, she is more than capable of presenting a formidable threat to most of Camelot. By conjuring of spirits, Morgan literally has the wisdom of the ages on her side. Just  the blackmailing opportunities offer numerous ways to force people to her side.  Her shape-shifting abilities enable her to wreak havoc on the reputations of others, as well as get close to people in order to assassinate them, and otherwise manipulate the political climate to her advantage.  And her knowledge of herbs is useful for a variety of purposes. However, all these wondrous abilities are useless if not used properly. In the series alone, Morgan has multiple opportunities to remove both her brother and Merlin from the picture, but fails to do so.

Your paragraphs are considerably longer than you did on the Great Gatsby piece. Still, not much had to be changed, only rearranged.

[Zaleramancer]

I'll probably have to do the speech.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Fourth paragraph underway.

Shouldn't be long now.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Zaleramancer wrote

Now, the primary reason Morgan remains so inhibited in using her magical talents and knowledge is the presence of the sorcerer Merlin. A nearly ageless man of dubious  talents, he is quite possibly the only other user of magic in Camelot opposed to Morgan. However, despite numerous opportunities, Morgan never simply kills him. While Merlin does appear to be reluctant to utilize his abilities, he still remains a vast potential threat if he ever actually did anything of use. The only talent he regularly employs is his ability to see into the future, which does prevent certain actions Morgan could take. It stands to reason that once he is eliminated, it will enable her to no longer worry about having her plans ruined by his sudden appearance. In fact, killing him should be a top priority for her, as his death makes every sequential move she makes far easier.

Hm...you kinda start off talking about Morgan, and veer off into Merlin. Morgan is the focus, so the bold can be left out.