Writing Exercises!
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Re: Writing Exercises!
 
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 @Previous story: Nice. Very interesting. And potential for a cool book.
But we can continue the essay chat here, if you want. Feel free to re-upload it.
“…Judge not what a man has done, but judge what he could have done if he was a different bloke altogether. For art thou a leper? And a leper can changeth his spots…” --Rudy Wade, Misfits (Series 4, Episode 8)
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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 I'll be with you shortly.
“…Judge not what a man has done, but judge what he could have done if he was a different bloke altogether. For art thou a leper? And a leper can changeth his spots…” --Rudy Wade, Misfits (Series 4, Episode 8)
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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*ahem* Here I am.
“…Judge not what a man has done, but judge what he could have done if he was a different bloke altogether. For art thou a leper? And a leper can changeth his spots…” --Rudy Wade, Misfits (Series 4, Episode 8)
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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It's due Wednesday.
 I have another class from 2:00 til 2:50.
“She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do. And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella.”
― Hogfather |
Re: Writing Exercises!
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Well, you have me available now, until 4:30.
“…Judge not what a man has done, but judge what he could have done if he was a different bloke altogether. For art thou a leper? And a leper can changeth his spots…” --Rudy Wade, Misfits (Series 4, Episode 8)
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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Administrator
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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Administrator
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Sorry...fell asleep (not because of your essay, I promise).
Anywho, lemme start with the first paragraph. 
“…Judge not what a man has done, but judge what he could have done if he was a different bloke altogether. For art thou a leper? And a leper can changeth his spots…” --Rudy Wade, Misfits (Series 4, Episode 8)
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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Administrator
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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Administrator
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Sorry, I keep getting distracted. But I was starting on my comments just now.
“…Judge not what a man has done, but judge what he could have done if he was a different bloke altogether. For art thou a leper? And a leper can changeth his spots…” --Rudy Wade, Misfits (Series 4, Episode 8)
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Administrator
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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This post was updated on .
Afterward, take a look at the italics.
These seem like important people, but it might be better to mention specific people in the later paragraphs, not the introduction. Focus is better kept on the main idea of the story itself; a couple general statements which should lead smoothly into your thesis statement. Though, I do like the fact that your thesis statement includes the three types of people about whom your essay will be about, so kudos for that. 
“…Judge not what a man has done, but judge what he could have done if he was a different bloke altogether. For art thou a leper? And a leper can changeth his spots…” --Rudy Wade, Misfits (Series 4, Episode 8)
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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Administrator
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I'll get on the second paragraph shortly.
“…Judge not what a man has done, but judge what he could have done if he was a different bloke altogether. For art thou a leper? And a leper can changeth his spots…” --Rudy Wade, Misfits (Series 4, Episode 8)
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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Administrator
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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In reply to this post by Zaleramancer
And sorry, I fixed it. NOW, check the italics.
“…Judge not what a man has done, but judge what he could have done if he was a different bloke altogether. For art thou a leper? And a leper can changeth his spots…” --Rudy Wade, Misfits (Series 4, Episode 8)
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Re: Writing Exercises!
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I will have to turn this in before 10:00 in the morning tomorrow.
So, if you're going to offer any advice that I'll actually use, I would advise doing so before tomorrow comes.
“She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do. And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella.”
― Hogfather |
Re: Writing Exercises!
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Well, if you're not actually gonna use my advice, then I honestly don't know what to say. Here I was, thinking I was being helpful.
Seriously, your essay is fine, for the most part. But the mechanics are kinda stiff; you can be sort of redundant with word choices, sometimes dump information that is obvious from things you've previously stated, and the flow of information is sometimes choppy. You don't need new information; you need new organization and arrangement of the current information, which is why my changes may seem so minor.
“…Judge not what a man has done, but judge what he could have done if he was a different bloke altogether. For art thou a leper? And a leper can changeth his spots…” --Rudy Wade, Misfits (Series 4, Episode 8)
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