Writing Exercises!

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Well, I'm glad you like it.

And, yeah, I noticed the abruptness of the magic scene. I'm thinking about letting the story drift over into six pages to make room for that...

Ah, well, what changes I make next, I'll post here. It's nearly time for me to go back to school now. Later.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Okay, my latest edition. I don't think much more can be done from here, but if you disagree, please feel free to let me know. (If you're reading this linked from Facebook, you may comment on the piece there).

Horror_Story_Work.doc

Hope you enjoy!

[Celadon's Penultimate]

 Crud.

I found a couple edits I could make on the story after I turned the previous version in!

Horror_Story_Work.doc

[Zaleramancer]

She was a short and stick-thin girl, burdened by bags smelling of herbs, countless wooden talismans or trinkets and an aged and carefully marked staff. I remembered that, at my advice, she had dyed the bags with wizard's circles and carved the staff with their runes, so to deceive others into thinking she would cast wizard's spells instead of channeling the nearly abstract magic of sound.

Despite her seeming fragility, she was a considered one of the Oronong*, having completed their harrowing ritual. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the self-same flickering aura around her. The mixture of color and magic only they possessed. The days had been kind to her, for she hardly seemed like the same girl I remembered, having now an air of confidence to go with her power.

Away from her and my companions, I could see our location. A wide and carefully tended meadow surrounded by a thick cover of trees, at the center of it was a natural fountain with the dark and deadly waters that had nearly killed me before. Far off, I could see the Oronong* darting through the trees, merely bright streaks of magic and colour.

"Hello Lily."

--------------


*Not sure about the name. I recall it as something like that or a mash of strange syllables.

This was a fragment of a dream I had- one of the few parts I recall. It impressed me with with the fluidity and lyrical-ness of the words and the concept behind them.

My mind is such a strange.. yet..beautiful place.

[Zaleramancer]

Congratulations on the high marks, Wulf.

Might I ask what was wrong for it to receive an 90?

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Thanks!

And from the looks of it, most of my mistakes were minor things, that I ended up noticing almost immediately after I received the grade back, anyhow. A POV shift. A couple tense shifts. Some extraneous, unnecessary or strangely-worded sentences. And my sentence errors made some of the action hard to follow. As you may have guessed, hard to follow equals more points off. Kind of annoying that I didn't notice them until I got the paper back.

Though, on the bright side, Professor Orsini really liked my work. She said I should submit it to The Phoenix, Valencia's school magazine. And when I've edited it sufficiently, I will do just that.

[Zaleramancer]

I'm thinking about putting my part of the play in written form in order to cement it in my mind.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

 You should.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Okay. So, here's my latest Creative Writing piece. I hate that I ended up getting to it so late, and I hate even more that it took me so long to finish it, but I put forth my best effort. So I hope you guys like it. And what you don't like, please let me know.

Anytime before 8am is great. Anytime after 8, I won't really be able to use your critique, because the paper is due at 8:30am, and I have to take 30min to get to school.

No pressure, but I'd like as many reviews as possible.

Kay, here goes.

EDIT: THIS STORY HAS BEEN REMOVED. 

[Zaleramancer]

Oops.

I didn't see this til now.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

 Never mind, it's cool.

I actually got some pretty stinkin' great advice just today. And she extended the due date, so now the class has the option to turn it in on Thursday (WHICH IS WONDERFUL). So, I'm gonna work on revising the heck out of the story, because to be quite honest, it turned out rushed. I lost a lot of time, simply by being distracted, and I forgot how close the due date was. I mean, I didn't even get a chance to have folks look over it before today, it took so much time and brain-wracking to finish! I literally pulled an all-nighter, and dragged it out until I was a few minutes from LEAVING FOR SCHOOL.

But since I've got today, tomorrow and (if I absolutely must) an all-nighter into Thursday, all the brain-hurtiness is gone. Now, I can look the darn thing over and get a good handle on it. And if I have anything to say about it, time will not slip away from me again.

Glad you at least wanted to help though. I'll repost the thing as soon as it's been edited.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Alright...so it's done. I officially finished my rewrite of my short story Shadowulf, my first horror piece. I'll post it later, but for now, I'm contemplating my next work. This one was anger and confrontation; the next piece is 'home for the holidays'...

[Zaleramancer]

Writing Whiplash?

[Celadon's Penultimate]

 Indubitably.

But at least I have a clue what I want to write about this time, so I can start way earlier.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Okay, so...here's the story I worked on for Creative Writing. Critique it or don't, it's up to you. I already turned the thing in, so there's no pressure. Still, though, I do want to know what you think. Good or bad.

Horror_Story_Work_(Shadowulf).doc

[Celadon's Penultimate]

The story's latest edit.

Horror_Story_Work_(Shadowulf).doc

[Zaleramancer]

Interesting.

The name Shadowulf was a bit jarring, since I'm used to linking you to that name.

The end was a tad bit abrupt, don't you think?

[Celadon's Penultimate]

 Yeah, I know. Shadowulf was my first horror story, and I liked it so much that I made a crudely-drawn comic about him (which strangely turned out more action/adventure and comedy than horror). It's the reason I took on the name Shadowulf in the first place. It was shortly after I saw my sister reading Beowulf. The hero's name stuck, and my own protagonist's name hit me.

 And the ending, I know...I literally spent time writing until the day it was due, a few minutes before I had to leave for class. I wanted to actually develop the final struggle a bit more, to about halfway through a sixth page, but it was like 7:48am, and I had to leave at 8am to get to class by 8:30.

I hope Professor Orsini won't slam me for that.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

DONE! My Creative Writing horror story is DONE! A DAY EARLY! YES! JESUS IS THE GREATEST! ALL PRAISE BE OWED TO--*cough cough* Dang...maybe I need to lay off the capitalization and the exclamation points... *sore throat*

Still...done! *cough*

Horror_Story_Work_(The_Perfect_Gift).doc

[Zaleramancer]

I'll give it a look later.