New Beginning Survival Guide

[Myself]

331) Allowing Shadowulf1 in the vicinity of both a sleeping individual and any form of marker is foolish. We can't exactly tell you not to do it, but it's a helpful piece of advice.
332) Do not date vampires. It never ends well.

[Myself]

333) Do not provide opportunities for puns. They WILL be used and abused.
334) Always carry salt, silver and iron. Together they deal with the majority of threats, if handled properly.

[Myself]

335) Do not hurt an MPU's loved ones.
336) Always keep a banana on hand. You would be surprised how many intergalactic heroes appreciate them.
337) Do not enter practical joke wars. Ever.
338) Try befriending an MPU. They make great friends and make you nigh-impervious to almost all threats.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

339. In the event you find yourself in a room with numerous weapons, pause. Look at each weapon. Is there a banana peel, a rubber chicken or a rubber duck among them? Good. Either (or all) of those are more likely to succeed as weapons than any of that other fancy stuff you were planning on picking up.
339a. Especially if you're a trained weapons master. Paradoxically, choosing either of those over an obviously deadlier weapon choice, invokes such a powerful force of irony, as to increase your chances of success in combat twenty-fold. The more ridiculous the weapon, the better.

[WonderDrow]

339b. However, NEVER choose the cat-a-pult.
The force of irony boost really doesn't make up for the risk of accidently loading it with a feline looking shape-shifter.
.

[Myself]

340) Never say quartz is stupid.
341) Karma is a very real and very powerful force in NB. Ensure to take advantage of it by helping others.

[Whd]

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[Gentleman Vaultboy]

343). Everything is important to somebody. Absolutely everything.
344). If you see destiny hurtling at you, turn around, walk briskly in the opposite direction, and try your best to forget it.
344a). Just don't get involved with anything. The call to adventure is to be ignored.
345). The best way to stay alive is to be boring and unremarkable.
346). If approached by someone claiming to be a reality bender do not engage with this person physically or emotionally.
346a). Be polite if you value your life, but also be terse and impersonal.
347). There is nothing a reality bender can ask you to do for them that they can not do themselves in half the time with no effort.
347a). Do it anyway, no point in offending them by refusing.
347b). Accept no reward or favor for completion of the task, see rules 346 and 346a.
347c). If they are insistent upon rewarding you, select something mundane such as a mini-fridge or bus fare.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

348. Freak is the new norm. You're about as likely to have a totally unremarkable day, now, as you would be to get struck by lightning, pre-New Beginning.
348a. Lightning strikes have become incredibly common, since the start of New Beginning.
349. Never show yourself overly excited, happy, sad, angry or afraid.
349a. Never show yourself overly jaded, nonchalant or apathetic.
350. Everyone's invited to a New Beginning party. You just have to know how to accept.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

351. Robots are evil. Perhaps not right now, at this very second. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But sooner or later, robots are evil.

[Mik_Hael]

352. Die,die far out of range of any of these people.And pray that you stay dead. That is your only salvation.