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[Celadon's Penultimate]

 "So says I."

[Zaleramancer]

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=8543660#post8543660

That thread amuses me to no end.

Basically, On one end of an arena, you have the mighty wizard! (DUN DUN DUN DUN!)

On the other, you have an ordinary commoner.


Guess who wins.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

 That made me smile...

[Zaleramancer]

And I do 705 damage.

Does that affect you?

[Celadon's Penultimate]

[Zaleramancer]

I've also read some posts that sound like Alex's long lost twin.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Um...don't quote those here, please.

[Zaleramancer]

Something else I thought was funny.

This person was playing a game with particular rules. Whenever you rolled dice for something if you rolled a 1 (A critical fumble) the DM would look over a chart and tell you what bad thing happened.

They not only used the 1 is an autofail on skills house rule but also had a fumble table for skills--and not only that, but used the same fumble table for everything. In the first session, I wound up failing a check I should have made even on the 1, confirming the fumble, and then rolling "instant death". It was, I kid you not, a decipher script check.

 

Decipher Script

You can decipher writing in an unfamiliar language or a message written in an incomplete or archaic form.

 

Instant Death by dire paper cut.

[Marvelous Miscreant]

I've heard many funny stories about those kinds of games, but this is one of the funniest.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Musta been one of those rogue paper demons I hear so much about...

[Zaleramancer]

Also...

How to destroy the earth as a 30 level Wizard.

1. Teleport to the surface of the moon.
2. Cast Wall of Iron several thousand times. You don't need the material component because you have Eschew Materials.
3. Cast Fabricate on the iron and the moon several thousand times to turn the moon into a Colossal++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++ Morning Star. This is possible because the moons core is made of solid iron.
4. Cast Greater Magic Weapon on this Morning Star, giving it a +5 bonus.
5. Attach a Greater Crystal of Adamant Weaponry on the Morning Star, giving it 10 more points of hardness.
6. Cast any number of weapon enhancing spells on the Morning Star, such as Flaming Weapon, Sonic Weapon, and Dolorous Blow.
7. Cast Animate Weapon on the Morning Star. The Morning Star is now a Colossal++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++ Animated Object. The weapon only stays animated while you concentrate and if you stay within 30 feet. Since you are a level 30 Wizard and you have Extraordinary Concentration, you can continue to concentrate on the spell as a move action.
8. If the DM Dictates that the Morning Star is too far away to strike the Earth, cast Overland Flight on the Morning Star. It can then start to get closer to it's intended target. If you cannot reach striking range of Earth on the first day, just continue to repeat this process until you can. The moon is only about 220,000 miles away. If you have to travel to get into striking distance, you may need to repeat steps 5, 6, and/or 7.
9. If you are close enough to strike the Earth, have the Morning Star strike the Earth until you break it apart. The Earth should have an AC of only 0 (-5 size, -5 Dex). Stone has a hardness of 8 and 15 hit points per inch of thickness. So to break through the crust (assuming an average thickness of 6 miles) you would need to do 5,702,400 damage.
10. Given time, you will most assuredly destroy the Earth.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Why in howlin', hellacious Doom is that POSSIBLE???

[Zaleramancer]

Because wizards + epic levels = laws of physics crying in a corner.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

And that there's not a pun-pun?

[Zaleramancer]

Pun-Pun is much, much worse.

Pun-Pun could do all of that in a single round.

Here's an example of an epic level spell. By the way.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

MEWF!

*Recovers from nearly having a heart attack*

They thought of THAT, too? I was gonna say that was the only thing they HADN'T thought of (loosing a subject from the world's rotation).

[Zaleramancer]

Oh and a list of a bunch of other epic spells.


There are also epic skill checks.

So, you could theoretically use the Balance skill to stand on a cloud.

Or use Escape Artist to pass through the equivalent of a force field.

Or use Handle Animal to raise a griffin.

Or use Swim to swim up a waterfall.  

Epic levels are so.. out there.

[Celadon's Penultimate]

Oh, yeah, I forgot...I haven't visited http://www.d20srd.org/indexes/psionicPowers.htm in months...

One of my first stops when I began documenting superhuman powers.

[Zaleramancer]

[Celadon's Penultimate]

 If only all fights worked like that.